{"id":11408,"date":"2019-07-23T10:00:29","date_gmt":"2019-07-23T10:00:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/hammerle.com\/?p=11408"},"modified":"2020-02-20T13:49:49","modified_gmt":"2020-02-20T19:49:49","slug":"five-lessons-about-grief","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/hammerle.com\/legaltalk\/legal-talk\/five-lessons-about-grief\/","title":{"rendered":"Five Lessons About Grief"},"content":{"rendered":"

A Personal Perspective<\/span><\/h1>\n

This year the t-shirt was bright green with \u201cRunning Wild at Camp McAuliffe\u201d splashed across the front.\u00a0 In smaller print, just as it has been for the last 20 years, were the words \u201cTom Hammerle Rock & Run.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

McAuliffe Elementary School holds a run at the end of every school year to raise money for childhood cancer research.\u00a0 Every student in the school participates and every student knows the story about my son Tom, who was diagnosed in the second grade with a \u201c1 in a billion\u201d type of malignant brain tumor<\/a>.\u00a0 Tom died 10 months later.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I know more than a little about going through the grieving process.\u00a0 I also know that most people will, at some point in their lives, go through it, too.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I share here the lessons I have learned personally and professionally.<\/span><\/p>\n

Lesson one<\/span><\/i>:\u00a0 Grieving starts the moment you receive the bad news.\u00a0 Elizabeth Kubler-Ross wrote in her series on death that there are 5 stages of grief in a terminal illness<\/a>:\u00a0 \u00a0 denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. My husband Pete and I skipped right to the last stage because Tom\u2019s prognosis was so grim that we had to start addressing the reality immediately.\u00a0 We made our decision that first day driving back from Children\u2019s hospital: we were going to give Tom as normal a life as possible for the time he had left. In my experience with families who receive a diagnosis for dementia or other terminal condition, the ones who reach acceptance early are able to give their elder a better quality of life.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Lesson two:<\/span><\/i>\u00a0 Take help when it is offered.\u00a0 We were completely unprepared for the multitude of people who offered to help.\u00a0 Among them was Ross Perot (my husband had served as Denton County Chairman for his presidential campaign), who called almost weekly.\u00a0 Still, it took us awhile to set aside our reticence and accept. I realize now how common that feeling is for caregivers, and how it can work against them.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Lesson three<\/span><\/i>:\u00a0 You cannot control events.\u00a0 I could not control Tom\u2019s cancer or its effect on his siblings Mark and Sarah.\u00a0 I could not control insurance companies or clinical trial protocols. Caregivers<\/a> who realize the difference between control and advocacy can be much more effective.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Lesson four<\/span><\/i>: Everyone grieves differently.\u00a0 Our family and friends grieved on their own schedule and in their own way.\u00a0 In my practice I often see families who are torn apart because they are critical that other people are not grieving \u201cthe right way<\/a>.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Lesson five<\/span><\/i>:\u00a0 Religious beliefs matter. Tom\u2019s neuro-oncologist told us that in her experience families who survive a child\u2019s death have in common a strong religious belief.\u00a0 More importantly, she said that terminally-ill children who hold religious beliefs are more at peace and accepting. I am of the opinion that holds true for people of all ages.<\/span><\/p>\n

Tom was a joyful, mischievous little boy who died on July 25, 1999 at the age of 8.\u00a0 Twenty years later, I still grieve.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

This column was written as a tribute to all who have lost or will lose a loved one.\u00a0 It is dedicated to the memory of Tom Hammerle. The opinions expressed are the author\u2019s alone.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A Personal Perspective This year the t-shirt was bright green with \u201cRunning Wild at Camp McAuliffe\u201d splashed across the front.\u00a0 In smaller print, just as it has been for the last 20 years, were the words \u201cTom Hammerle Rock & Run.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 McAuliffe Elementary School holds a run at the end of every school year to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":11716,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[21],"tags":[615],"class_list":{"0":"post-11408","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-legal-talk","8":"tag-death"},"yoast_head":"\nFive Lessons About Grief - Hammerle Morris Law Firm<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Virginia Hammerle shares her 5 lessons that she learned about grief having gone through the passing of her brother 20 years ago..\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/hammerle.com\/legaltalk\/legal-talk\/five-lessons-about-grief\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Five Lessons About Grief - 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