When you become a father, you automatically win the participation award. Now you should go for the gold.
To be a contender, you need to know the legal, financial, and emotional basics involved in raising a human being from infancy to beyond. Here is my Texas Father’s Manual for Raising a Decent Human Being.
Ages 0-18: Your Legal and Financial Duties
Your legal and financial duties toward your child are as follows:
- Duty of care, control, protection, and reasonable discipline.
- Duty to support the child, including food, clothing, shelter, medical and dental care, and education.
- Duty to manage the child’s estate if applicable.
- Duty to make decisions concerning the child’s welfare.
These rights can be modified by a court order. Note that you may need to establish your legal parentage for your child.
Your Child Needs a Parent, Not a Friend
Underlying those stark duties is the emotional support that you give to your child. The first 18 years are critical and determinative of your child’s emotional well-being and growth. Your growth as a father during this time is just as critical. At this stage, your child needs a parent, not a friend.
Bluntly, one primary goal is to keep your child from needing therapy for the rest of his or her life.
Teach Financial Responsibility Early
Start educating your child about finances at a young age. Tie an allowance to chores, purchase a share of publicly traded stock to teach your child about investments, shop by price and not brand, encourage earning money through part-time work while a teen, and if your child experiences an adverse consequence, then never let your child think like a victim.
Ages 18-25: Your Child Is Legally an Adult
18 marks a turning point for young adults and their parents. Absent a court order, your legal and financial duties have melted away.
With one exception: if you hold some of your child’s money, you now owe a fiduciary duty to your child. Manage their money wisely, do not use it to benefit anyone other than your child, and keep good records in the event you are required to give an accounting. If your child requests the money, then you have to give it.
Support, But Do Not Hover
You are still a parent, but don’t climb into that helicopter. You have no role to play in your child’s job interview or purchase of a car. This is another critical period of growth for your child; they must learn to handle the consequences of their bad decisions. The balance of power between you and your child has completely changed. You can support but not dictate. Your child should be pulling away from you, emotionally and financially. That is a good thing.
Refocus on Your Own Future
These ages are also a growth period for you. Your needs and wants are primary again. Focus on saving money for your retirement.
Resist squandering your savings trying to rescue your child. For example, if your child develops a drug addiction and you pull $100,000 from your retirement account to pay for the rehab center, then you may well have sabotaged both you and your child.
Ages 25 +: From Parent to Friend
Now you can start adding “friend” to your role. Your counsel will be needed now more than ever as your child emotionally becomes an adult. Teach by example, not lecture. If your child is a responsible person, consider naming him or her as an agent on your estate planning documents. A family relationship is a two-way street.
If your infant grows up to be a decent human being, then give yourself a pat on the back. Well done, Dad.
Hammerle Morris is Here to Help With Estate Planning for Every Stage of Life
If you have questions about estate planning, powers of attorney, guardianship, or planning for your family’s future, legal guidance can help you make informed decisions. Contact our team for guidance.
Virginia Hammerle is a licensed Texas attorney whose practice includes estate planning, probate, guardianship, and litigation.
This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice.
